cenobite ownership
by KahnShao
Summary: For those who wanted to have their own pet cenobite. here you go. the handy guide of owning your own cenobite. I do not own Hellraiser or any of the characters. I will try and get up all the original cenobites as time permits. Read and review. no flamers period.
1. Chapter 1

**Cenobite Ownership**

Congratulations. You are now the proud owner of your very own pet cenobite. The model you now own is our Xipe Totec model or otherwise known as Pinhead. As you remove Pinhead from the box please be aware that he will be curious of his new surroundings. It is best to let him explore without any interruptions. To make him feel more at home we have included a spinning pillar, a lament configuration, and a few chains. You will find that your Pinhead model is easy to please and work with. He requires little food and water and is clean, intelligent, and quiet.

**Housing**

Pinhead prefers dark areas. The darker the better. A nice dark musty room will suffice. To make him feel more at home have him decorate the room as he feels fit. His room may unexplainably become a long corridor fraught with chains, rotting flesh, smells of hot ass, and the like. In short his room will be nasty to venture into. Hey, we said Pinhead is clean…we said nothing of his living environments.

It is important to make yourself known when you enter his area. That way he will not attack you accidently. He is pretty territorial. If he has a filthy area let it be. He will keep his mess confined to his area and not let it venture into other areas of the house. Provided he is properly trained. Usually telling him what room is his or letting him choose a room will keep him happy and content. It is advisable you do not actually let him choose whatever room he wants; rather have 2-3 rooms he can choose from. If this does not work and he wants a certain room not on the list It is advisable just to let him have it. After all he is the master of pain and torture.

**Meals**

Pinhead does not need to eat per se, but he does need souls every so often. To make sure he has this have someone open the lament configuration. Once they do this the walls of your house will split open and Pinhead will come out of nowhere and do a long drawn out speech. Before shaking his head to make a chain come out of nowhere and nab his victim. As a special treat tell him Frank escaped. When Frank calls you a bitch for setting him up Pinhead will come out of nowhere and tear him apart with chains. Frank will be usually in the skin of Larry Cotton his brother.

Make sure Pinhead gets souls at least 2-3 times every few months to keep him happy, healthy, and more importantly you alive. For now at least.

**Discipline**

Oh, hell no….are you really going to…you are.. Ok then. It is not the wisest idea to try and discipline the Prince Of Pain, The Dark Pope, Leviathan's favorite son. He does not take well to discipline. However if you must be a dumbass and insist he needs training then taking away his chains and instruments of torture is a fatal way to start. There will come a time when Pinhead will threaten someone that was in the vicinity of where the box was opened and if that person continues screaming he will have his underling…a nasty ass looking female chatterer tear them apart. It is important to teach Pinhead to only go after those that opened the box.

Sometimes Pinhead can be bargined with to promote better behaviour but not always. After all its your flesh he wants to experience. Not your skills at bargaining.

**F.A.Q.S.**

**1. Pinhead is missing a few of his pins. What can I do?**

As a bonus we added a few spare pins inside the box he came in. if for any reason you need extras you can purchase a cenobite transformation chamber at the ridiculously high price of…$999,999.00 SHIPPING COST! And the purchase price of way to expensive to mention here.

**2. There is a bloody mattress in Pinhead's room. What happened?**

You must destroy that mattress! Julia died on it. She can come back!

**3. Tiffany opened the puzzle box. Now pinhead won't take her?**

It wasn't hands that called us. It was desire!

**4. Frank escaped Pinhead. How can I remedy this?**

Impossible. No one escapes us.

**5. Pinhead got his soul back and turned into Capt. Elliott Spencer. Now what?**

You numbnuts! You let him too close to the Channard model and now he's all human. If this happens you must purchase another pinhead model.

**6. Can I give Pinhead a dove to keep him company?**

No. Pinhead will just feed it to his dog thing.

**7. Pinhead got himself trapped inside a light lament configuration box. Is this a bad thing?**

If he got trapped inside the box chances are he was on a spaceship and wandered into the box unaware. This type of box generates light not darkness so therefore Pinhead is one dead sonofabitch. You must order a new Pinhead and for Leviathan's sake KEEP HIM AWAY FROM SPACESHIPS!

**8. No?!**

NO! Damn female cenobite! How many times do I have to tell you its not hands that call us its desire!

We hope you enjoy your new Pinhead model and with proper care he will last an eternity. You will be amazed at how much begging you will do that he leave you alone. For added dismay you can purchase additional cenobites for company. Each cenobite comes with an instruction booklet and is programmed to instantly know one another. If you act now we will also send you the female chatterer from Hellraiser revelations free of charge. (just pay a shitload of cash for shipping and handling. And no you MAY NOT come down and get her yourself to save money. You cheap asshole! Don't even try it dumbass. Well kick your ass if you do!)

Read and review.

Next up: Butterball


	2. Butterball Model

**Butterball Model**

Thank you for purchasing our Butterball Model. We hope you enjoy and take pleasure in owning this fat assed greasy cenobite. As a special gift we included an extra pair of sunglasses as well as extra weapons additions you can add to your model. Butterball is part of the Xipe Totec collection and is a great addition for you avid cenobite collectors. Please read the instruction manuel before using the Butterball Model to prevent you being a retarded dumbass concerning your new addition.

**Care and Set up**

Remove the cenobite from the packaging and take notice on how he is supposed to look. Yes he is supposed to look greasy and perverted. Once you removed him out of his packaging take out his weapons and hand them to him. He will know where they go. (either imbedded in your flesh most likely, or on his utility belt) Unlike Pinhead he is neither quiet nor clean. He smells like rotting ass. This is normal and more than likely due to the large infected slit in his belly. This is normal.

Your Butterball will automatically seek out Pinhead and stand behind him staring straight ahead. Do not interfere as this is a normal occurance. He knows where his place is and stands there accordingly. You will also notice he fingers his slit on the belly. Why he does this we have no clue. Perhaps he can't get any poo-tang. And with his looks why would any woman want to be with him?

It is also important to make sure he is kept occupied at all times whether it be with human visitors or various weapons. Do not let him get bored at all or he might actually start to remember his past life and act upon it. We doubt you wanted cenobites with a soul. If you wanted ones with souls you would have ordered the weak lame ass human versions of them.

**FAQS**

**1. Butterball keeps fingering his wound?**

Yeah no shit. We think its because he can't get any poo-tang

**2. Can I potty train Butterball?**

All our cenobites do not have to use the bathroom ever.

**3. Butterball has something in his throat and he's human! Wtf?**

*face palm* dammit you let Channard near him! Its your fault!

**4. Butterball keeps taking off his glasses during a kill why?**

He doesn't want to get gore on his favorite glasses. Would you want gore on your favorite apparal?

**5. Why is Butterball Blind?**

He saw your ugly ass and caused his eyes to fall out.

**6. Hrummghg?**

Butterball stop that!

**7. Butterball just said "Oh Noooo" when he saw Channard?**

This means he is going to be made human and pinned on that spinning pillar thing. Why do you let your cenobites near that penis headed doctor?

**8. Butterball has some nasty teeth. Can they be fixed?**

You can be sued if Butterball bites someone. Leave his teeth as they were.

**Testimonials**

Here are a few testimonials from our very unsatisfied customers that have purchased our Butterball Model. Here's what they have to say!

*** I have recently purchased your Butterball Model to go along with my other cenobites and I must say it is wonderfully horrid to have the whole set. I am the envy of all my friends. I am most pleased with my Butterball Model as he settles in quite nicely and works well with his own kind.-**Beth S

*** I must say I enjoyed paying a ridiculous price for my Butterball Model. Can you believe I ALMOST got the same exact model for 50x less than what I paid for? So glad I paid the high price for my Butterball.-**Mike

*** What makes more sense- paying an outrageous non refundable price for a Butterball Model from Leviathan Corp (manufacturer of all cenobite models) or paying a reasonably priced money back guarantee if not satisfied price for the same model? You damn well better believe it! Go with Leviathan Corp for all your overpriced non refundable cenobite needs.-**Jerome

*** I love the high price of my cenobite Butterball. To all my friends who say I could have gone cheaper…screw you guys! Paying a high price is waaaaaaay better than having food on the table or a roof over my head. I may be homeless, poor, hungry, and have cenobites that are defunct now but I couldn't be more happier.-**Cheryl

There you have it. Now you know you will have countless hours of fun and enjoyment with your Butterball Model. All these testimonials are from 100% dissatisfied customers we made say all these wonderful things. Inclosed you will find a comment card rating our service. Don't worry about filling out the numbers rating. All you have to fill out is #1 which is outstanding. And don't go adding numbers either. That's cheating and if you do that then you are a cheating asshole! We swear if you cheat we'll come down and kick your ass. (unless you are like a huge body builder or some shit like that. Then forget it. We don't want or asses kicked.)

Up next: Female Cenobite


	3. Female Cenobite

**Female Cenobite**

Congratulations on purchasing Female Cenobite model. This model goes along with the Pinhead model. You will find assembly is non existent. Just take the cenobite out of her packaging and stand her upright. She will automatically look for Pinhead and take her place alongside him. You will find that she is also very quiet do to a throat wound. This is normal and does not affect her speaking and yelling (although she can't yell loudly) at all. She is self sufficient tending to her needs herself. Although she does appreciate someone sharpening her knives for her. Despite her seemingly cold demeanor, she does like contact and a hug now and then wouldn't hurt (her). She is also quite talkative and will answer your questions so long as they are not stupid. Below are some of some faqs that come with your model.

**F.A.Q.S.**

**What do I call my Female model?**

You may call her Female or Nickoletta. It is safer to call her Female unless she REALLY, REALLY, likes you.

**2. Female keeps walking to me smiling. She has no ?**

She likes you. If she has no weapons she is interested in more than just a simple ownership/friendship. Where you going on your honeymoon?

**ENOUGH!**

Ok, jeez! We won't say you like the one that purchased you. Damn! (someone needs to get laid) hey, your purchaser is over there…

**Female keeps playing with her throat wound looking at me? She has no weapons.**

Ohhh boy… We don't know what you did to her…but obviously she's got it bad for you. Good luck.

**Female is trying to kill me no matter what I do**

One of two things. You rejected her advances or she plain just don't like you.

**Not leaving us so soon are you?**

Uhhhh…yea. Sorry I got to do something. I'll call later. *kiss*

**NO?!**

No. Its not hands that call us…its desire!

**I didn't open the box!**

Didn't open the box?! And what was it last time Kirsty….didn't know what the box was…and yet we do keep finding one another.

Our customers would like to share their experience on owning the Nickoletta model. They are 100% dissastisfied with their purchase. If you don't believe us on how wonderful the Female Cenobite model is…then here it is…straight form our customers' mouths.

**Ricky: At first I was skeptical on getting the Female Cenobite model. Upon her delivery and unboxing, I found she was rather attractive. She is quiet most of the time and usually I don't even know where the hell she's gone to. Being in constant worry for my life has taken a toll on my sleeping (I don't sleep much anymore) and I keep my knives away from her. But I can rest assured my home is secure and no one comes in and leaves alive. A great purchase.**

**Mikey: Hiding in the closet while Female Cenobite looks for me is not what I expected. But it keeps me in shape and on my toes. For some strange reason after her unboxing I decided on a whim to plant a real kiss on her lips. I never expected it to turn out the way it did. Now she's looking for me wanting to be with me forever. They say only a certain person will gain the interest of Female and I guess im the one that's gotten her interest. Opps gotta go! She's grabbed a damn wedding dress and…OHHH CRAP! SHE'S FUCKIN' GRABBED ME! NICKOLETTA NO! WE CAN'T GET M-M-M-MARRIED BECAUSE…_OHHHH…WOW I GUESS WE CAN….OHHHHH DO THAT AGAIN…._**

** There you have it. Only two people have gotten the Female Cenobite model. Mainly because of the outrageous price of your soul and Female's picky tastes. It seems as if Mikey one of our best customers is going to be a daddy soon. So yes *males: be forwarned that Female Cenobite can become impregnated by you if you choose to do the nasty with her. In that case you guys are really fucking sick. Seriously. Why the hell with her? **

***Oh, crap she's right behind me isn't she? Dammit! H-hey Nikky, ye-yes I been meaning to call you. W-what? Are you sure? How can the baby be mine? OH…lookit the time! I gotta run….i'll be back with a few items. Buh bye! *runs off***


End file.
